I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
