i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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