He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
