Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
