You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
