So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
