I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
