her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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