so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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