Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
