it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
