Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
