You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
