Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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