you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
