Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
