maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
