3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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