u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
