Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
