a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
