I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
