I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
