The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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