Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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