I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
