she woke up with a sticky ear
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
