after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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