I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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