Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
