How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i believe in u and ur pee
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