You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
