Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
