He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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