can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
