We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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