Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
