I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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