meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
