get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
