i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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