Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
