It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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