butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
