I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
