Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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