Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
