After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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