I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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