So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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