upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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