It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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