dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
