...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
