I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
