Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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